Out with the Old!

I’ve seen a couple of folks around town creating their own Simpson’s avatar, and I’ve been a bit jealous, so:

I created a Simpson’s character of myself.

As if the pressures of Hollywood weren’t enough, now I’ve got my pesky small-wasted animated persona to compete against.

You too can spend 120 seconds that you’ll never get back making a self-replica here.

Fun Factor: 7

I felt like cooking tonight, and ever since I saw an adorable old woman making authentic mole on the Food Network this weekend, I wanted to try it. So:

I made mole.

I specifically made this mole.

It turned out okay. I was acting like a badass when it came time to add the peppers, and I totally went overboard. Aside from the heat, the sauce itself was a bit bland, so next time I will try another recipe with more flavors.

Fun Factor: 6

When I see people litter it really does make my skin crawl. I in no way live a perfect lifestyle, but must you really throw an item on the ground? It’s so neanderthal. Normally when I witness such an atrocity, I give a death stare to the criminal. And that’s really effective. But today, I took a (slightly) less passive-agressive route and:

I picked up a person’s litter in front of them and threw it in the nearest garbage.

I won’t pretend I taught the culprit a lesson that she’ll take with her for life. In fact, she didn’t even acknowledge me or the act, but it did make me feel good. And that’s really what this blog is all about.

Fun Factor: 7

#70 bus headed east.

I just witnessed a girl pluck several hairs from her head, examine the hairs, proceed to FLOSS HER TEETH with three of them, and then throw them on the floor of the bus. In public. So, today:

I watched someone floss with human hair.

Then the broad had the audacity to grip the bus door as lightly as possible, as not to make contact with any gross foreign bodies.

Does anyone know a good therapist?

Fun Factor: 0

A few years ago a couple of people told me about a website that is fun to peruse when you’re looking for a quick break. It was started as a project by the person who runs it, and it has since turned into a phenomenon with a large following, book deals, and exhibits across the nation. The idea behind it is that anyone can send in a postcard that contains a secret they’ve been harboring. Sometimes they are light-hearted and hilarious, other times they are dark and disturbing. It’s therapeutic to the sender, and it’s interesting and often times inspiring or comforting to the readers. The post card is usually decorated with a picture or illustration that ties into the secret. I love the idea of this and the fact that no one will ever know who it came from except for me. So:

I sent in a secret to PostSecret.

I know they post every week, but I’m not sure what the filtration process is for posting the cards. I will keep looking for mine though! And no, I’m not secretly a baby’s mama, nor have I ever been attracted to goats.

Fun Factor: 8

*Not sure if the readership/following is in the millions, but I know a hell of a lot of people read it.

Today I am resentful of living in Chicago.  Most people would agree that it’s fun here half the time.  The winter blows, the summer is sweet.  I have written a couple of pieces to describe how I feel today, thus my new thing for today:

I wrote a haiku poem.

 I Want To Kill You

 Oh City of Chicago

 When You Snow Like So

After I wrote the first one, I realized I was placing blame on the wrong party, so I made right and drafted this next gem. 

Oh Mother Nature

You Are Indeed A Whore-bag

Please Stop This Cold Now

I’m sure those skeptical readers (ahem, Emily) might post hateful comments that insinuate that I must have written a haiku in third grade as part of my compulsory education.  I have asthma and allergies.  I was absent a lot.

 Fun Factor: 8 (more points because the spell-check corrected “whorebag” to      “whore-bag”)

Many have tried, few have succeeded, and tonight I join the ranks of the those that have dominated.

I assembled a piece of furniture from IKEA.

Picture of the shelves after assembly below.

Picture of me after assembly below.

These are going in the office. There are many shelves to insert at varying lengths of my choosing and I can’t wait to strategically decide where to put everything. Up until now my I’ve had no where to store my glamour shot portfolio or my various ’80s Cleveland Browns autographs, which include but are not limited to, Pio Sagapolutele, Bill Belichick, and Bernie Kosar.

Fun Factor: 2

Last night Nick and I:

Took a Rorschach Test.

Rorschach tests on a MONDAY?  If we’re not careful we might end up listening to multiple books on tape on any given Friday night.  Because that’s the kind of crazy couple we are.  I saw mostly animals with a set of pliers thrown in the mix.  There was one where Nick didn’t see anything.  Nothing?  Really?  Although to his credit, he was luded up during that slide.

Also to be noted- we didn’t have any similarities.  I consider this the beginning of the end. 

Fun Factor: 7

As many of you know, I create handmade cards. Of the greeting variety. Birthday, wedding, hostess, and “hello” cards seem to yield most often from my method. I have sold my cards at several handmade markets and craft fairs throughout Chicago, although the cold weather makes it a bit discouraging to lug around all that goes along with said fairs. So, I finally got it together (mildly), and

I opened my own Etsy Shop.

Etsy is a huge online market for buyers and sellers of handmade goods and it is growing like wildfire. There are thousands of “stores” on the site and it’s a great place for those of us who don’t have a storefront, can’t afford to maintain a website, and make our goods part-time. I only have one item currently listed, and the picture looks to be taken from my five-year old nephew’s plastic camera, but I plan to become obsessive about maintaining and marketing the site in the next few months.

Fun Factor: 10

Like most level-headed citizens, I have storage space in my closet dedicated solely (pun intended) to housing those socks that have been abandoned by their mates. I remain unaware of how exactly this transpires, but, in any event, the problem is widespread and many of the stash are orphaned for the rest of their lives. I felt it was time to allow the destitute, bastard socks the opportunity to make something of themselves. So:

I made a rice sock.

Wikihow continues to arm me with a wide variety of meaningful and scientific instructional guides in order to keep this project interesting. Alas, I am currently watching the Packers/Giants game with my neck resting comfortably on a sock full of hot rice.

Fun Factor: 5