#28- Move over Mrs. Crabapple, you desperate sow.

I’ve seen a couple of folks around town creating their own Simpson’s avatar, and I’ve been a bit jealous, so: I created a Simpson’s character of myself. As if the pressures of Hollywood weren’t enough, now I’ve got my pesky small-wasted animated persona to compete against. You too can spend 120 seconds that you’ll never…

#27- Not your average circular skin pigmentation

I felt like cooking tonight, and ever since I saw an adorable old woman making authentic mole on the Food Network this weekend, I wanted to try it. So: I made mole. I specifically made this mole. It turned out okay. I was acting like a badass when it came time to add the peppers,…

#26- Soooo 42,000 BC

When I see people litter it really does make my skin crawl. I in no way live a perfect lifestyle, but must you really throw an item on the ground? It’s so neanderthal. Normally when I witness such an atrocity, I give a death stare to the criminal. And that’s really effective. But today, I…

#25- Position Barf Bag

#70 bus headed east. I just witnessed a girl pluck several hairs from her head, examine the hairs, proceed to FLOSS HER TEETH with three of them, and then throw them on the floor of the bus. In public. So, today: I watched someone floss with human hair. Then the broad had the audacity to…

#24- My Secret Is Safe… with Millions!*

A few years ago a couple of people told me about a website that is fun to peruse when you’re looking for a quick break. It was started as a project by the person who runs it, and it has since turned into a phenomenon with a large following, book deals, and exhibits across the…

#23- Open Mic Night Coming Soon

Today I am resentful of living in Chicago.  Most people would agree that it’s fun here half the time.  The winter blows, the summer is sweet.  I have written a couple of pieces to describe how I feel today, thus my new thing for today: I wrote a haiku poem.  I Want To Kill You  Oh…

#22- Vila Residence

Many have tried, few have succeeded, and tonight I join the ranks of the those that have dominated. I assembled a piece of furniture from IKEA. Picture of the shelves after assembly below. Picture of me after assembly below. These are going in the office. There are many shelves to insert at varying lengths of…

#21- The Life of a Socialite

Last night Nick and I: Took a Rorschach Test. Rorschach tests on a MONDAY?  If we’re not careful we might end up listening to multiple books on tape on any given Friday night.  Because that’s the kind of crazy couple we are.  I saw mostly animals with a set of pliers thrown in the mix.  There…

#20- Slowly reach for a major credit card…

As many of you know, I create handmade cards. Of the greeting variety. Birthday, wedding, hostess, and “hello” cards seem to yield most often from my method. I have sold my cards at several handmade markets and craft fairs throughout Chicago, although the cold weather makes it a bit discouraging to lug around all that…

#19- The Island of Misfit Socks Has Been Conquered

Like most level-headed citizens, I have storage space in my closet dedicated solely (pun intended) to housing those socks that have been abandoned by their mates. I remain unaware of how exactly this transpires, but, in any event, the problem is widespread and many of the stash are orphaned for the rest of their lives….

#18- Going forward, I only answer to Madame Curator

I have recently added to my duties at work. Since January 1, I have taken over the coordination of the art gallery that lives at my place of employment. It’s a fairly small, but nice space that exhibits work from professional artists in and around the Chicagoland area. The first of four annual shows was…

#17- Jam Sandwich

Last Thursday night, I was starving but seemingly had no groceries. An innovative genius introduced me to an old family recipe and let’s just say, got me out of a real jam. I had a fried egg and jam sandwich. Toasted wheat bread with a fried egg and black cherry jam in between tastes much…