As wise man Fat Bastard once said, “I eat because I’m unhappy, and I’m unhappy because I eat.” My motto is somewhat the reverse of this in that eating makes me happy, and I’m happy in part because I eat. Nevertheless, I’m notorious for making food choices that might repulse the average human, including but not limited to an egg salad sandwich from UDF in Oxford, Ohio and a Polish sausage from Wal-Mart. I’d never made the commitment move to the grocery deli until recently when:
I purchased an entire pre-made pie from a grocery store deli.
Do people actually do this on a regular basis? As anticipated, this French Silk Oreo madness concoction was as delicious as its ingredient list was long. Don’t try this one at home, kids.
Fun factor: 8
Last time I visited home there were talks of a human pyramid to be performed for the good of the blog. Some felt the audience needed to read/see more human stunts. Unfortunately I was surrounded by a lot of chicken shit losers. I vowed to myself that the next time I had between 5-7 humans at my disposal, I would conquer this feat.
I participated in a human pyramid.
Let’s take a look at the results, shall we?
Attempt #1: We’ve got some amateurs that don’t understand the idea of pyramid formation. A squad leader is called in to try to facilitate the positioning.
The foundation crumbles:
Attempt #2: The second row participants now realize they are up off the ground and parallel to one another, which makes for ideal conditions to wrestle and/or strangle each other. More notably, our cake topper, all 21 pounds of her, has somehow given the squad leader a ball shot strong enough to bring him down.
Crying ensues. During the chaos looters were spotted hauling away Oreos and a Ratatouille DVD.
Fun factor: 10
I’m not much of a liquor drinker. I’ll have a margarita on a somewhat regular basis, but generally I order beer or wine. As we settled down to 99 Hanover, a restaurant/bar in Edinburgh, a cocktail sounded so refreshing. I asked our waitress to recommend one and she produced an absolute delight.
I had the *best cocktail of my life.
I tend to keep track of extraordinary moments in food/drink in my life, and so far I’ve been able to say that I’ve had a *best breakfast (divine plate of eggs benedict and fruit in a Santa Monica cafe/ 2004) and a *best lunch (warm goat cheese salad with bread in Luxembourg City 2001), but a best cocktail had yet to occur.
It was vodka, fresh raspberries (muddled and for garnish), simple syrup and ginger ale served in a tall glass with a straw and side of rapture.
Emily drinking the creation below:
The cute restaurant:
Fun factor: 10
*subject may be trumped by a better contender at any given moment in time
We ate lots of fried objects on our trip. Emily justified this with the fact that we walked all day long everywhere- we only took one cab on the entire trip. Perhaps it would be justifiable to me if I too weighed EIGHTY POUNDS. I’m nice and roundish and weigh, well, more than eighty pounds.
Among other local delicacies:
I ate fish cakes.
Yes, it’s what you’re thinking- similar to crab cakes but with fish. Delicious. We had these in the adorable fishing village of Oban.
Fun factor: 7
While in Dublin, Emily and I took a stroll through the famous St. Stephen’s Green- a huge park located in the middle of the city. It was really peaceful and beautiful and we had had an exhausting day of eating, shopping and eating, so we picked a spot near the water and sawed some logs. Imagine my surprise when I awoke to this:
The photo wasn’t taken using the camera’s zoom function. So,
I took a nap next to a swan.
Fun factor: 7
The first thing Emily and I planned on this trip was a concert. So, yes, we bought the concert ticket before we had our plane tickets. The odd part was I did this for a group of which I wasn’t even a fan. Yes, I’m fiscally responsible. Why are you looking at me that way? So:
I went to a Radiohead concert.
I took some footage of the scene and hesitated in posting it, because it makes the place look really lame. It looks tame because we are old ladies and stood about 100 yards away from the stage since the sound was good enough to do so. The dude who takes a pause out from his jaunt to boogie makes watching the clip enjoyable. And if you think the stage looks like a scary haunted house, you’re not alone.
Anyways, we went to see them in Glasgow and it was great. It was raining a bit and we were exhausted from taking an 8 hour day tour, but it was lots of fun. I even developed into a bit of a fan if I do say so.
You thought I was joking with this title, right? Come on now.
Fun factor: 10
While in London,
I went to Wimbledon.
Emily and I packed a picnic lunch, took the 120 degree train to the Southfield stop, and planned to relax in a park to watch some tennis on the community big screen. We stopped to ask a traffic guide for directions, and next thing you know we were heading to the queue to go inside the grounds. For $20 we were able to see any court aside from the big dogs- 1, 2 and centre. It didn’t matter- it was still an unbelievable scene. We plopped down on one of the benches and watched a few matches. When the second one ended, we discovered that we were watching the juniors. Think that’s funny? Well guess who can say that she’s seen that one Australian dude play tennis back in ’08 when he’s strung out on uppers in five years? Me.
Fun factor: 10+