Hat Trick

You might remember the first annual Sheader Derby Party?  Well, we did it up then but one thing was missing from the first annual celebration.  This year:

I wore a fascinator!

I knew I was meant to be a southerner or a British old maid.

derby

Fun factor: 10

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#176- A real jam.

I packed lots of weird shit when I went home last weekend: citronella candles for my mother, a miniature picnic table condiment holder for my father and random other things for the nieces and nephew.  This left little room for things like purses and underwear.  What’s a girl to do?  

I used my camera case as a purse.

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Inside I kept my identification, cash, debit card and lip balm all night. There was a camera in there too, with which I captured many fond memories including the above evidence of using its case a billfold.

Next up: I use my bra to collect shells on the beach.  

Fun factor: 5

#174- Officially convinced all celebrities are living a lie

Oh, hi there!  Where have you been?  I won’t embarrass you by scolding you for your unfounded and heartless abandonment over these past few months.  I’m just glad you’re back.  I wondered if you left because I’m not aging well, so while you were gone, I’ve been busy.  For starters:

I got make-up airbrushed on my face.  

This new thing was done before friend Christina’s wedding.  Knowing about this wedding for a year in advance, I had plans to lose 20 pounds, tan and learn to speak Russian.  0 for 3.  So, I jumped on the train of bridesmaids who were getting their make-up airbrushed and the results looked awesome.  Though, I must say, when I gave the make-up artist permission to post ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos on her website, I forgot I was up until 8:00am the morning-of doing meth.

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Fun factor: 10

#159-Work that ass

Nick and I have folded since this post.  Once December hit, we felt we could not sustain another Chicago winter sans cable, so we phoned the Devil, known alternatively as Comcast, and signed up for their services again.  Oh, the shame.  Among other services, we purchased the On Demand service that allows us instant access to a variety of movies and shows in the event that nothing worthy is playing on the regular 300 cable channels.  Incidentally, this happens often.  I was combing through the options the other day and noticed a fun little perk, so:

I did an exercise video from On Demand.

If you have this service, check it out.  There are a TON of exercise videos you can access at any time and they are free with the service.  We live on the 3rd floor of our building, so I opted against the cardio stuff and went with 10-minute butt and thighs.  Only 678 more videos and I’ll be ready for a swimsuit.

Fun factor: 8

#129- Queen Bee

This weekend,

I gave someone a manicure and pedicure.

My client was very friendly and agreeable, although she did have the kind of dirt build-up in her nails that only accumulates as a result of excessive indifference and an active lifestyle. We went with her favorite color, “PINK!” The service was pro bono, and although I wasn’t expecting a tip, one came in the currency of moonbeams and unicorn fur.

Fingers:

Toes:

The happy client proving she can be beautiful and still maintain her relentless pursuit of doggy paddling the length of the pool:

Fun factor: 10+

#54- Beauty is in the eyelash of the beholder

Avid Out With The Old! blog reader and cat-lover, Julie, from Ohio, wrote in to suggest I apply a lash primer before applying mascara. She included the encouraging sentiment of “you won’t believe how great it works.”  I headed to Benjamin Moore and they had just sold their last tube, so next I ventured to Sephora and purchased this tube.  I could barely keep from sharting myself at the thought of looking like this after the application of such a recommend.   

So, today, during my grueling daily 12-minute beauty regimen, I went for it and:

        

                 I applied eyelash primer.

Picture below of me with no eye make-up.

before-primer.jpg

Picture below of same eye with mascara and the primer.

after-primer.jpg

Try to ignore the lighting differences, and focus on the eyelashes. So, what do you think?  Should I send Julie my receipt for reimbursement or should I update my profile picture on e-Harmony?

Fun factor: 8

#34- We really do have it all in America

Good friend and Birthday Girl, Christina, suggested my new thing for today.

I took a shath.

As you might assume, a shath= shower + bath. An ingenious hybrid of two popular hygiene practices.

Directions:
-Fill up the tub about half the level of a normal bath (use your regular bubble bath or salts)
-Turn on shower head
-Get in and enjoy the best of both worlds

I LOVE me some shath. As with the discovery of Guitar Hero, I must again ask myself- what the hell have I been doing all my life?

Fun factor: 9